How many Rahuls are there anyway?

How many Rahuls in all?

This question has bothered many. I am no exception.

As those who know me will confirm, I never expound on issues without studying them in more than adequate detail. I have been doing my homework for several months and am now ready to share my findings with the world at large.

The first Rahul.

Son of Rajiv and Sonia, grandson of Indira Gandhi, great grandson of Jawaharlal Nehru,  great great grandson of Motilal Nehru, brother of Priyanka and brother-in-law of Robert.  We are all familiar with him.

He is pretty much like you and me; likes the good things of life.  Good bungalow, a nice car and the occasional overseas holiday. Charms you with his dimples and the kind of guy women would love. A great boy-friend, husband, son, son-in-law all rolled into one; you can pick and choose your preference.

He is no pushover intellectually either. Has learnt a lot through the journey of life. He knows, for instance, that blood is  thinner than water unless it is the Nehru Gandhi blood, that power is poison except when wielded by the Nehru-Gandhi family and that poverty and pain are nothing but a state of mind.  And that the thin line between nonsense and sense runs through the axis MMand S.

The second Rahul is rarely seen.

The grapevine suggests he is related to Kumbhkaran but there is as yet no proof. He disappears pretty much randomly for long stretches of time and suddenly resurfaces as if nothing has happened in the interim. Some have fancy and sometimes nasty explanations of why and how he vanishes but as an insider I know it is nothing but the Kumbhakaran-effect.

The third Rahul is a dark brooding bearded apparition in white often sighted in villages of West UP.

This Rahul believes in the ancient concept of atonement. And the more the process lacerates, the higher its value. The hisab-kitab is simple. For every six months spent in luxury, at least one night must be spent outdoors in a village. And so, twice a year he drives out to Noida or Greater Noida to spend a night in camp-like conditions to expiate his guilt.

The fourth is the insightful Rahul.  

There are those who foolishly believe that milk should not be allowed to spill. This old-fashioned thinking assumes physicality of incidents rather than their philosophic dimension not visible to all.

And there are those like Rahul the fourth who can see beyond .They will wait for days, weeks and even months for milk to spill only to be able to study the patterns it makes. The uncharitable complain that such people allow crises to first develop, fester and explode but then the uncharitable are known to whine.

The fifth Rahul is the quintessential Angry Young Man.   

Angry with his party, his friends, his advisors, the weather, the city, the country, this world, whatever. He is plain angry. This Rahul stopped smiling years ago, his sleeves are rolled and his weapons are loaded. Just that he does not know whom to attack. Understandably, his friends are more scared of him than his enemies.

And the last Rahul?

Iconoclast, heretic, impatient, change agent, catalyst, youthful, dynamic, forceful, hero, Superman. Rumor is that he lives Rahul Gandhi’s mind.